Thursday, February 4, 2010

Waiting

Is it only me who finds that the most tedious and hard thing is waiting? Waiting for more important things than a bus, a certain time you need to leave home. Those are minor uncomfortables, nothing more. But it's so hard to wait for something you really want to happen. Since summer 2008 waiting became some kind of a pattern of my life. When Igor and I met there was nothing promising that there was any reason whatsoever to wait for something to happen. Yet, inside I waited not knowing what I was waiting for. Eight months of waiting resulted in understanding that I was simply waiting for that special person, who makes things right for me in my life, even when I dispare that they are too bad or too huge to be solved by my recently-discovered-as-fragile soul. And yes, somehow, those 1,5 weeks of meeting and getting to know each other worked fairly fine to get us eventually married.
But this waiting thing is still bothering and it bothers a lot. This feeling transforms into some sickeningly monotonous reflection of the 5-month period of living apart, getting together only for 3-4 days, surely magical days, but face it, they were never enough or ever will be enough. It's like something inside is asking everytime either of us goes on a trip however short "shall it be the same as it used to be?" I guess I got so tired of waiting last year that I simply can't stand it anymore. If one of us is gone, there's only one wish to stop waiting for it to end. Like right now; 4 days of yet another trip will end tonight, but this waiting gets me mad at this very moment. Can't people simply be continually together for as long as they want to? I'd vote for a yes, they should...

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